Dark Dildo Souls

Dildo Bat +15

As the year rolls along and a slight lull hits the gaming market, I’m still playing catch-up after the firestorm that was the holiday season.  After doing a plat run of Snake Eater, which unfortunately turned into more of a headache than it should have thanks to those stupid kerotans (arghhhh), I’ve been working my way through Dark Souls and Saints Row: The Third. These games couldn’t be any more different, but both are really quality titles that make me feel I’m getting my 60 bucks worth.

After San Andreas, Rockstar had a big decision to make on where to take the Grand Theft Auto series. They had a great sandbox franchise that was a solid mix of serious story and silly fun, but down which avenue to turn? GTA IV clearly went down the serious route and, while definitely amazing, a certain level of that over-the-top fun was lost. Saints Row looked to take that path less traveled and in Saints Row: The Third, the roof wasn’t just blown off. They turned the whole damn block into smithereens. And what’s left in the wake is one of the most stress free enjoyable games I’ve played in a long time.

Try to catch me now, bitchezz!!

Unlike most sandbox adventures that ask you to go from rags to riches, Saints Row starts you off with a lot at your disposal, and it only keeps piling on. With your customized character that can look like a serious gansta’, a hot Russian assassin, a monkey with a space helmet, or anywhere in between, you try to regroup your gang and strike back at the Morningstar, a coalition of stereotypes looking to take the Saints down a peg. Aside from the story missions, there are tons of collectables (drug palates, blow up dolls, etc.) and side missions that ask you do all sorts of crazy stuff like jump in front of moving cars for insurance fraud and ride around in a tank blowing stuff up. The humor is crass and lowbrow and usually unnecessarily violent. Needless to say, it’s hard to not love every minute of it.

The story is meh, obviously, but it never takes itself seriously, which is the right attitude to have. The game centers around what is fun, mainly big guns, bigger explosions, violence, carnage, sex, and everything else a twelve year old could want. And thankfully, there’s a twelve year old in every gamer that likes to be indulged every now and again. The action is fast and smooth and there are no points where the gameplay feels bogged down. SR3 is the very definition of a sandbox, leaving you truly free to just have fun and play.

You'll never take the mascot gang alive!

During a time were games are at a crossroads, the medium is trying to figure out how stick to its roots of fun gameplay, but at the same time compete with the movie biz and tell worthwhile stories. I definitely appreciate that the industry as a whole is trying to take itself more seriously, but then again it’s nice to have a game come along like SR3 that looks to be its stupid immature self and nothing else. It almost reminds me of times back in the day when my friends and I used to take turns playing GTA3 and just see who could get to 5 stars and last the longest. It was pointless but so much fun, full of “oh shit!” moments. SR3, for me, harkens back to those simpler times. And the inclusion of co-op too really helped put things over the top. If riding around blowing shit up naked before jumping from a plane and base landing in the middle of a gang operation won’t de-stress you, I don’t know what will.

And on the other side of the spectrum, Dark Souls is a game that stresses me the fuck out. I remember reading the reviews for it when it just came out and one line that stuck with me was something along the lines of how this game had a vision and didn’t compromise it to make it more accessible. I think that’s the best way to kind of sum up my 35 or so hours of experience thus far. Dark Souls is dark and miserable and unrelenting. But once you get past the intimidation factor, the satisfaction of conquering its challenges is sublime.

No problem, we got dis...

Moving away from Demon’s Souls level by level format, Dark Souls is a sprawling world and feels it. Every area has its own tone (and perils) and it’s rather clever how they are all connected. Every time I unlock a shortcut, there’s always an “ahhhh” moment, popping out somewhere I’ve previously been. The other changes, like the bonfires and covenants, all feel like an evolution of the original, leaving the best parts of Demon’s Souls, or the soul if you will, while bringing it to a new level.

The story is rather murky, like a lot of things in this game, but the narrative for Dark Souls feels more centered around you, the gamer. It’s a lot like a multiplayer game in that respect where the story isn’t about the characters or events but the experiences you have overcoming the challenges as they come. I think a really good example of this is towards the beginning of the game where you need to head up to a tower and ring the bell. The path is brutal, full tough bosses and unforeseen traps that make dying a common event. But whenever anyone playing the game finally makes it up there and rings the bell, you hear it in your game. You know someone out there made it. And so can you. So onward you muster. It’s really a powerful feeling in the end, and your story feels just as real and engrossing as any in other games. 

Lord, beer me strength!

What also adds to that feeling of satisfaction when progressing through the obstacles the game throws out at you is how nothing is really spelt out for you. Unless you go and try different tactics and search different rooms and talk to different NPCs at certain times, you’re likely to miss a lot of things. With the internet and beautiful things like wikis, these finer points like how to get certain items can be found with some research, but the complexity of all these elements makes the world feel so mysterious and overwhelming, adding to the sense of satisfaction when you succeed.

The online elements of things is also pretty interesting as well. I never really messed with online portion of Demon’s Souls, especially because it made getting world tendencies the way you wanted them a pain. In Dark Souls, however, the online characteristics of the game feel much less complicated and damn helpful with boss battles. Summoning some other players in the game to help conquer tougher sections really brings in a sense of community to the world, full of adventurers looking out for each other.

You cockblocker!

The other side of this coin, of course, is getting invaded by other players, which happened to me a bunch of times in the early portions of the game when I was still relearning how to play. My character really isn’t built for PVP and there wasn’t anything more frustrating that trying to survive the countless perils ahead only to have some dick phantom come out of nowhere and kick my ass. What sucked even more were instances where I was actually holding my own and about to beat one of these players, only to see them run into an enemy filled room and heal since heading after them would mean having to deal with all of the enemies. Some might consider it pussing out, but to avoid this now I just stay hallow mode unless I feel like I need some help with a boss.

Overall, I knew I would enjoy Dark Souls, I just didn’t think I would get sucked into it this much. I was unsure if I had a platinum run in me at first, but now I’m sure I won’t stop until it’s on my digital shelf. I don’t think it tops Skyrim in terms of my person game of the year for 2011, but it is definitely within the top 5 and worth a play for a gamer out there looking for a challenge.